Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
Randomize
