Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
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