She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
This is classic penis vs brain.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
Randomize
