You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
Randomize
