the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
