I cannot find my penis.
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
Randomize
