im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
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