im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
