ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
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