At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
