A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
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