I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
Randomize
