I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
