I wish I could teleport
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
She needs sedatives and a leash
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
