Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
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