I'm laying in your front yard are you home
I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
Randomize
