I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Randomize
