From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
Randomize
