my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
