She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
