your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
Randomize
