Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Randomize
