She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
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