based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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