she smelled like a LAN party
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Randomize
