as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Randomize
