i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
soo... how was my night?
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
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