Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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