shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
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