A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
Slut skills are useful in every country.
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
Randomize
