Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Randomize
