I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
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