You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
i think i just lost a toe
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
Randomize
