I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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