what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
The air taste purple.
Randomize
