I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
I think we might need a safe word for this...
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
Randomize
