we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
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