I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Randomize
