just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
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