My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
Blood and glitter go together right?
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize
