Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
foreskin is a definite game changer
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
Randomize
