you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
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