There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
