Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
Randomize
