so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. �Hello 29...
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
Randomize
