At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
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