That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
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