There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
What drink are we having for lunch?
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
Randomize
