that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
Randomize
