i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
